“Kentucky Kicks Ass” 
Town Branch p. 77
https://vimeo.com/55873402

[00:00 - 00:50 Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey plays]

[00:51 - 4:00 Bluegrass music plays in the background]

GRIFFIN VANMETER: I’m Griffin VanMeter.

WHIT HILER: And I’m White Hiler.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: Kent didn’t show up. We’re Kentucky for Kentucky. 

WHIT HILER: The Commonwealth’s elite marketing team.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: We’ve been spreading the Kentucky message far and wide for many centuries now. You might remember us from our last project where we straight crushed it for the state of Kentucky. We’re back again. 

WHITE HILER: Back in action.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: Back to the future. 

WHITE HILER: When you think of Kentucky, what words come to mind? 

GRIFFIN VANMETER: Couch burning.

WHITE HILER: Kentucky Fried Chicken. Bowie knives.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: Mustaches.

WHITE HILER: Horses.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: Abe. Lincoln. 

WHIT HILER: George Clooney.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: Zombies.

WHIT HILER: Stoplights.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: KFC.

WHIT HILER: Horses. Whiskey.
GRIFFIN VANMETER: Bourbon. Marijuana.

WHIT HILER: Johnny Depp. Tom Cruise. 

GRIFFIN VANMETER: That chick in The Hunger Games.

WHIT HILER: Do the words “unbridled spirit” mean anything to you?

GRIFFIN VANMETER: Go ahead and Google “unbridled spirit” and you know what you come up with? Horseback riding lessons in San Antonio.

WHIT HILER: Would you ever wear a t-shirt that said unbridled spirit on it?

GRIFFIN VANMETER: Probably not [bleeped out expletives] not even [bleeped out expletives]

GRIFFIN VANMETER: So why in 2004 would the commonwealth of Kentucky waste half a million dollars of their taxpayers money on that lame-ass tagline. 

WHIT HILER: Unbridled spirit.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: That’s not gonna fly.

WHIT HILER: In 2011, tourism was up a mere 3%.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: While that’s good, 200% is a whole lot better.

WHIT HILER: So we’ve been tasked to develop a viable tagline and brand for the great Commonwealth of Kentucky.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: Our goals are simple. To increase tourism.

WHIT HILER: To foster pride. 

GRIFFIN VANMETER: To attract new business.

WHIT HILER: To diminish stereotypes.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: To unify the state. 

WHIT HILER: And to distinguish Kentucky from any other place on the planet. So we went to work.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: We went out all over Kentucky, interviewed as many Kentuckians as we could find, all walks of life. We said “Hey, what are the two words you would use to describe Kentucky?”

JON CARLOFTIS: Kentucky kicks ass!

WYN MORRIS: Kentucky kicks ass!

ED MCCLANAHAN: Kentucky kicks ass!

BEN SELF: Kentucky kicks ass!

TIM BUCKINGHAM: Kentucky kicks ass!

KELLY: Kentucky kicks ass!

KRIM BOUGHALEM: Kentucky kicks ass!

CHRIS EDDIE: Kentucky kicks ass!

LAMAR WILSON: Kentucky. kicks butt!

SHANE AND RENEE BREWER: Kentucky kicks ass!

ERNIE BROWN JR: Kentucky kicks butt! Down there in Kentucky, Turtle Man kicks butt! We’re live action all day every day! Yee! Only in Kentucky!

ALEXIS OHANIEN: I’m Alexis Ohanien, and Kentucky kicks ass!

JOSEPH CLAY: Kentucky kicks ass!

SCOTT CLARK AND ADAM MARTIN: Kentucky kicks ass!

ERIK MARTIN: Hi, I’m Erik Martin, the general manager of reddit.com, and the Commonwealth of Kentucky kicks ass!

JASON FALLS: [singing] Kentucky kicks ass!

DREW CURTIS: Not only does Kentucky kick ass, but Duke sucks.

THE HOULIHANS: Kentucky kicks ass!

ELLIE: Kentucky kicks ass!

GRIFFIN VANMETER: Step 2.

WHIT HILER: We went to work.

[4:01 - 4:51 Rock music plays in background]

BRIAN TURNER: I’m Brian Turner, and this is my wife Sara, and we’re from Cricket Press. We were asked by Kentucky for Kentucky to come up with a kick-ass logo.

BRIAN AND SARA TURNER: Kentucky kicks ass!

WHIT HILER: Step 3.

GRIFFIN VANMETER: We turned up the volume and let the world know that Kentucky kicks ass.

VARIOUS PEOPLE: Kentucky kicks ass!

NEIL JAMES: I’m Neil James, the Call of the Wild man, and Kentucky kicks butt!

GRIFFIN VANMETER: I’m a bass. Kentucky. Kicks. Ass